AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:
1. THIS OLD PICTURE -- THAT'S ME ON THE FAR LEFT!!!!!!!!!!! AS YOU CAN SEE I WAS NOT HAPPY AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS ANGRY BECAUSE THAT CHRISTMAS TREE WAS HORRIBLE AND THAT OTHER KID WAS WEARING A VEST WITH A SQUIRREL ON IT!!!!!!!!!! WHO WEARS CLOTHES WITH DISEASE CARRYING WOODLAND CREATURES ON THEM?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!? AS A SIDE NOTE I TRIED TO PUT ON THOSE OVERALLS THE OTHER DAY AND WAS SHOCKED TO FIND THAT THEY DID NOT FIT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH I BET TOM IS STILL WEARING THAT SQUIRRELL VEST AND HAVING AN AWESOME TIME THOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. SERGIO RAMOS DROPPING THE COPA DEL REY UNDER A BUS -- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!??!??!?!!? IF YOU'RE GOING TO DESTROY A TROPHY YOU HAVE TO DO IT ON PURPOSE BY COVERING IT IN BOTTLE ROCKETS AND PUTTING IT IN THE MICROWAVE!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST DID THAT WITH A BOWLING TROPHY OF MINE AND THAT'S WHY MY KITCHEN IS NOW ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!! WELL IT'S ONE OF THE REASONS ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. THE BOLTON FAN WHO QUIT HIS JOB TO WATCH HIS TEAM LOSE 5-0 -- OHMYGOD THIS IS HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!! HORRIBLE!!!!!!!! THIS IS WHY I WOULD NEVER QUIT MY JOB TO SEE SOMETHING THAT COULD GO SO WRONG!!!!!!!!! THE ONLY THING I WOULD QUIT MY JOB TO SEE IN PERSON IS A LIVE PERFORMANCE OF THE LITTLE MERMAID STARRING TAYLOR SWIFT OR MAYBE A FROG THAT CAN TELL OFF COLOR JOKES!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH IF THE FROG WAS THE OPENING ACT FOR THE LITTLE MERMAID PERFORMANCE THAT WOULD BE THE MOST PERFECT THING EVER!!!!!!!!!!!
4. CORN -- THE CORN IS MAGIC NOW AND TRICKING PEOPLE ON THE STREETS!!!!!!!!!!! THE ONLY THING THAT CART DOESN'T SAY IS THAT THE CORN WILL ALSO KILL YOU FROM THE INSIDE AND TURN YOUR FAMILY INTO UNPAID BUTLERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S WHY IT'S MAGIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVIL CORN MAGIC!!!!!!!!!!
5. MARIO BALOTELLI GIVING �1,000 TO A HOBO -- EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT YOU GIVE HOBOS STUFF THEY REALLY NEED LIKE SHARDS OF GLASS AND POTATO GUNS NOT MONEY!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU BALOTELLI?!?!?!?!??!??! USE YOUR HEAD NEXT TIME AND GIVE THEM BLUNT KNIVES WITH NATURE SCENES CARVED IN THE HANDLE!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH I WISH SOMEONE WOULD GIVE ME ALL OF THOSE THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!
6. GETAFE BECOMING "TEAM DUBAI" -- THIS IS A TERRIBLE NAME FOR A TEAM THAT IS NOT IN DUBAI!!!!!!!!! THEY SHOULD HAVE CALLED IT TEAM OHMYGODTHERESBLOODEVERYWHERE OR TEAM HALIBUT!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE TOLD ME THAT HALIBUT IS A FISH BUT I'M PRETTY SURE I JUST MADE THAT WORD UP!!!!!!!!!!
7. SHAKIRA'S COPA DEL REY REACTIONS -- I KNOW EXACTLY HOW SHE FEELS!!!!!!! I DO MANY OF THESE SAME THINGS WHEN I WATCH MATCHES EXCEPT I USUALLY BLACK OUT HALFWAY THROUGH AND WAKE UP IN A LIBRARY COVERED IN RELISH AND THUMBTACKS!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN VIOLATED BY A HOT DOG WITH A BULLETIN BOARD!!!!!!!!!!!!
8. WEDGIE DRAG AT CELTIC -- NOW YOU DO THIS???!??!!?!?!!??!?!?!? WHEN I WAS THERE THEY ALWAYS SAID WE COULDN'T DO THINGS LIKE THIS BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT IT WOULD GET OUT OF HAND AND THEY DIDN'T WANT ANYONE GETTING ACCIDENTALLY IMPALED ON A TELEVISION SET!!!!!!!!!! I'M SORRY BUT THAT ONLY HAPPENED EIGHT TIMES AND YOU CAN ONLY PROVE THAT SEVEN OF THEM WERE MY FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH I BET THE MAGIC CORN TOLD THEM TO DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!
9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO I WAS DRINKING CHEAP PAINT THINNER JUST TO GET A BUZZ ON THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN I DECIDED TO GO OUT FOR ICE CREAM AND MONOCLES!!!!!! THAT'S RIGHT I LIKE TO PUT MONOCLES IN MY ICE CREAM!!!!!!!! SUE ME!!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAY AS SOON AS I DROPKICKED MY FRONT DOOR AND DID A TUMBLE ROLL OUT OF MY HOUSE MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI RUSHED OVER AND SAID HE DIDN'T THINK I SHOULD DRIVE!!!!!!!! I SAID "OF COURSE I'M NOT GOING TO DRIVE!!!!! I AM SO BLASTED ON PAINT THINNER RIGHT NOW THAT I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHY MY KITCHEN IS ON FIRE!!!!!!!!" AND HE SAID "OK GOOD I JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU GET HURT ARTUR" AND I SAID "THANK YOU DAN!!!!!!!" BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO HE WOULD KNOW THAT I WISH HE WOULD START A STAMP COLLECTION JUST SO I COULD ACCIDENTALLY LOSE IT!!!!!!!!!! SO AFTER THAT WE JUST KIND OF STOOD THERE NOT KNOWING WHAT TO SAY AND FINALLY HE HAD TO GO BACK INSIDE TO HELP HIS GOOBER KIDS WITH THEIR GOOBER HOMEWORK AND I YELLED AT A STAR THAT WAS LOOKING AT MY FUNNY FOR A FEW HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE THAT STAR GETS HERPES AND DIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!
Piper Perabo Anna Kournikova Esther Cañadas Kate Beckinsale Shiri Appleby
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